“Every failure that he has reinforces his own negative image of himself, reinforces his own frustration and makes him maybe more angry at the people who are pointing it out to him.”

– Kathy Courchene, licensed professional counselor, psychotherapist

Three million children in the U.S. suffer from learning disabilities.

Those kids face a two-front struggle: coming to grips with their trouble reading, writing and doing math – and, as new research shows, trouble with their behavior.

17-year-old Matthew Lavine knows this struggle from personal experience. He was diagnosed with learning disabilities in the Second grade.

“I thought I wasn’t normal,” he says. “I thought it’s not fair, why did God make me have this problem? Why do I always have to work 110 percent more than everyone else?”

“He was always behind, always behind,” his dad, Eric Lavine, remembers. “And his self-esteem and his grades plummeted due to those issues.”

New research shows that anger, mixed with the anxiety of failure, is one reason why kids with learning disabilities are more aggressive.

“Anxiety is like being caught in a trap,” explains psychotherapist Kathy Courchene. “We know what happens to animals when they’re caught in traps – you reach toward them, they’ll snap at you, they’ll bite you, they become very defensive.”

Matthew’s anxiety and his anger led him down a path to expulsion. “Seventh grade, I got into a fight and they suspended me for three weeks,” he says. “Eighth grade, I got into a fight and they suspended me for 100 days.”

In his sophomore year, Matt was sent to jail for drugs and vandalism.

“At that point, we didn’t have a choice – we had to find alternative means for his education,” his dad says.

Matt’s parents put him in a school where the teachers were trained to deal with learning disabilities. And that school, they say, was the turning point.

“They worked with me, they listened to me, they put me in counseling, they put me in drug therapy,” Matt says.

His dad noticed a big difference. “His grades shot up drastically, his self-esteem shot up drastically, his maturity – of anything – improved greatly.”

Matt says he also learned to accept his disability.

“I know I’m just going to have to work twice as hard as everyone else,” he says, “but I have what it takes, I know I can do it.”

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• Significant delays in speech and language skills are signs that your child may have a learning disability. Other signs include difficulty learning new vocabulary, letter reversal, and trouble recalling sequences and order. (The International Dyslexic Association)
• If you suspect your child has a learning disability, the first step is to get them tested. Usually, the school will have appropriate tests – but if not, visit a therapist or counselor in your area. (Kathy Courchene, LPC, psychotherapist)
• Keep a watchful eye for negative behaviors like irritability, crabbiness, defiance, and destructiveness. They may be a signs that your child is feeling overwhelmed, frustrated – and in need of help. (Kathy Courchene, LPC, psychotherapist)
• Remember that failure to meet other’s expectations, along with the inability to achieve, is frustrating. Be patient with your child; listen and acknowledge their feelings and always offer positive reinforcement. This will help them feel better about themselves and deal more effectively with their emotions. (The International Dyslexic Association)
• Set realistic goals for your child. Recognizing what is attainable can help prevent the cycle of failure. Reward effort just as much as the final outcome. This will show them that you recognize their hard work and acknowledge their struggles. (The International Dyslexic Association)

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• Learning Disabilities Association of America
• National Center for Learning Disabilities
• Council for Learning Disabilities

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