<!–

–><!–

–>

What We Need To Know | Resources

All Stories

<!–

–>

Comment

Print this Story | E-Mail this Story

<!–a href="#" target="_blank"></a–>

For the first five years of life, many twins spend almost all of their time with one another. But what happens when it’s time for kindergarten – will they have separation anxiety? Will they be able to make it through the day?

Those were the questions that Stephanie Orman, mother of twins Lexi and Caroline, asked herself.

“But I know at some point in their lives they’re going to have to build their own independence and this was just the start of it,” Stephanie says.

Her daughters are in kindergarten – which, at their school, means they’re placed in separate classes.

According to new research from the University of Wisconsin and King’s College-London, that split can be emotionally painful for twins.

But not all experts agree. “It intuitively doesn’t make sense to me,” says psychologist Dr. Robert Simmermon. “I think sometimes we over-analyze and it gets overblown, the whole notion that twins can’t tolerate separation.”

Experts say separation is a critical first step in building a strong and independent identity.

“They have different personalities, so their needs are going to be different,” explains Dr. Elaine Mateo, a pediatric psychiatrist. “And the goal is for each of them to eventually develop their own sense of self.”

And while they are, to many friends and family members, “the twins,” they are still two separate people.

So, should all twins be separated? Experts say it really depends on the kids.

“I think you watch the children and take the cues and clues from them, rather than set this predetermined paradigm of the way these two human beings are supposed to fit,” says Dr. Simmermon.

Stephanie Orman, meanwhile, says the split has helped her daughters grow.

“It was almost like it was an arm being cut off – without one of them being by each other’s side,” she says, “and now they don’t seem quite so codependent.”

What We Need To Know

• Don’t compare the twins – “the smart one,” “the pretty one,” “the shy one,” etc. This can be a great source of distress for both siblings. (Dr. Robert Simmermon, psychologist)




• Many schools have fixed policies on twin placement. While you may not be able to make the ultimate decision, make sure to talk to their teachers and principal – regarding any needs that your children may have. (Journal of Educational and Psychological Consultation, Twins in the classroom: School policy issues and recommendations)




• Even prior to starting Kindergarten, give your children the opportunity for separation. This will help foster their independence and prepare them for any time apart at school. (Dr. Robert Simmermon, psychologist)

Resources

• National Organization of Mothers of Twins Clubs
• Multiple Birth Resources

Top ˆ