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Many times, teens feel so overpowered and controlled in abusive relationships that they can’t leave. It takes support from friends and family to help.

Amanda Kramer was no different. “I knew what was going on, I knew it, but it wasn’t strong enough in me to get rid of it,” she says. “I wasn’t strong enough inside.”

Her then-boyfriend was jealous and controlling. He told her if she ever left him, he would kill himself.

She didn’t want to see him in pain. “I told him, ‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry’ and he told me everything was my fault and that everything was never gonna be okay – but as long as we were together [he wouldn’t kill himself]. And so I went back.”

Experts say this cycle of threats and violence is hard to break. Many times the teens involved are in denial.

“It’s very important, though,” explains domestic violence specialist, Kim Frndak, “that they have facts and information about this issue.”

An estimated one in three teens will be in an abusive relationship; one in four girls will be raped or sexually assaulted.

And the victims don’t always know that the abuse is not their fault.

“It’s very, very important to say, ‘I’m concerned for your safety, you’re not alone, you’re not the only person dealing with this kind of thing, and you don’t deserve to be treated like this’,” explains Frndak.

That’s the message to the child. And, she says, that’s just the beginning.

“Have the guidance counselors and administrators at the school investigate,” she says, “[and] there’s nothing wrong with calling the young man’s parents – because chances are, if he’s behaving this way towards your daughter, he’s done it in the past with other people.”

Finally, she says, parents need to do whatever it takes to keep their child safe.

“If you need to put limitations on your child’s activity – do it. If you need to say, ‘no you can’t go to the mall – you can’t go to the mall, you can only go to the mall if you’re with at least another friend, two friends and you can’t stay beyond such-and-such a time.’”

After four long years, with the help of her friends, Amanda was finally able to break free.

“I stopped answering his phone calls, I deleted every single message that he sent me, emails, IM’s – blocked them, took his number out of my phone and everything stopped,” she says. “Months later it stopped. It finally stopped.”

What We Need To Know

• If you find out your child is in an abusive relationship, show support. Let them know that they are not alone, and that it’s not their fault. (Kim Frndak, domestic violence specialist)
• Investigate. Ask the child’s school for help. Get the guidance counselors and principal involved. Find out if there’s abuse happening at school. (Kim Frndak, domestic violence specialist)
• Find out what the local laws are, regarding protection orders. You may be able to file for a temporary restraining order against the abuser. (National Center for Victims of Crime)
• Find help in your community. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE. (Kim Frndak, domestic violence specialist)

Resources

• RAINN – Rape Abuse and Incest National Network
• National Coalition Against Domestic Violence

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