Should Parents Allow Teens to go to After-Prom Parties?
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| Wednesday, May 3rd, 2006 | Emily Halevy | CWK Producer |
“There’s some big rules in our family – you know, no alcohol, no drugs, and I have to know that the people who are hosting the party are on board with that. I also want to know that there will be some adult supervision there.”
– Angela Bossie, mother of 17-year-old Katie Bossie
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It’s prom season for thousands of high school juniors and seniors.
With long, beautiful dresses, tuxedos, flowers and limos, those prom evenings often begin with romance – and end in potentially dangerous situations. Alcohol consumption, drugs and sex are common at some after-prom parties, and many parents are left wondering if they should let their children take part.
Prom is the biggest night of the year for many teens, but 17-year-old Katie Bossie wasn’t there.
“I was planning on going to the prom, and a week before my boyfriend and I broke up,” explains Katie, “so I wasn’t planning to go to the dance anymore.”
“She was, though, invited to an after-party,” says Katie’s mom, Angela, “and I wasn’t crazy about the idea. But I told her I would call the mom and find out about it.”
And Angela didn’t like what she heard.
“I asked her if she was going to have any other parents to help her chaperone,” she says, “and [the mother] said ‘no’ – and then she added, ‘and at some time I will get tired and have to go to bed.’ And I was, like, ‘oh.'”
Experts say Angela did the right thing: ask lots of questions.
“Where’s the prom party going to be; who’s going to be there? I would check with those parents ahead of time,” says child psychologist, Dr. John Lochridge. “Is it going to be supervised? And I would tend to shy away from letting them have hotel rooms at that age.”
And, Dr. Lochridge says, if you think the risks and temptations are too dangerous, “it’s always okay to say no. Parents rule, okay? And you have to remember that.”
But he also says if the prom party seems reasonably safe, let them go – because kids have to learn to make good choices.
“You want your child to be able to handle peer pressure,” Dr. Lochridge explains. “It’s going to be there. There are going to be scary choices every, not just prom night, but every weekend.”
Angela decided not to let Katie go to the party. Instead, she offered an alternative- board games, pizza and rented movies at home.
“Initially, she wanted to fling herself off a building over that suggestion,” Angela laughs, “but that’s what we did – and we ended up having a great time.”
In hindsight, Katie feels the same. “I did avoid all the prom drama, which was nice. I didn’t have to pay all the money and it was, I mean, it was nice. It was very relaxed and we just hung out, so it was fun.”
What We Need To Know
- When deciding on prom and after-prom events, keep in mind the behavior of your teen throughout the past few months. Have they been making good decisions? Have they been responsible, have they been accepting responsibility for mistakes?
(John Lochridge, MD, child psychologist) - Teach your child how to stand up to peer pressure. Unless you keep them locked in their room, you can’t get rid of bad influences. While you may not trust other teens or some situations, you have to be able to trust your child to be able to stand up to those pressures. (John Lochridge, MD, child psychologist)
- More than half of all fatal traffic accidents on prom weekends involve alcohol. Make sure your child has a designated driver.
(National Highway Traffic Safety Administration)
Resources
- Mothers Against Drunk Driving
- The Century Council
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