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Before deciding what to wear …

And how they’re going to get there …

There’s another big decision for kids …

How am I going to ask my date to prom?

16-year-old Meredith Martin says when it was time for her boyfriend to ask her, “he went up to my car and painted and car-painted on the back of my car, ‘prom please?’”

15-year-old Marshall Lorden says one of his classmates took to the sky. “I saw this plane going by and it said, somehow it said somebody’s name, asking them to the prom – and it had a smiley face,” he says.

Scotti Hoffman had his girlfriend Katherine Bickley close her eyes and – after a 15-minute drive and then a walk through the woods – he popped the question on a lakeside pier.

“It’s better to make it creative than just ‘will you go to prom with me,’” says Katherine. “Makes it more special,” adds Scotti.

17-year-old Katie Billard thinks the trend is coming from popular culture. “It happens a lot in movies and stuff, and in the media – so maybe kids are trying to get more creative.”

But as kids try to imitate what they see on television or in movies, experts wonder if it’s adding too much to an already pressure-packed event.

“Kids have to outdo each other in being creative – and out-doing each other in coming up with outrageous things basically to invite someone to prom,” says Nancy McGarrah, Ph.D., a psychologist.

“There’s competition because, I mean, if the other guys are doing all that stuff, you’ve got to do something,” agrees Katie.

“But because the expectations are really so high that they think they’ll never meet them,” says Dr. McGarrah, “both on girls’ parts and on guys’ parts, I have a lot of kids that tell me, ‘I’m just not going.’”

Experts say kids may feel everything about their prom has to be the ‘ultimate’, but it’s a parent’s job to put things in perspective.

“Prom comes at a time when the end of the semester is hitting too,” says Dr. McGarrah, “And there’s exams, there’s papers. And you want to explain to them that if they want to go all-out for prom that’s fine, but they have other things going on, too.”

What We Need To Know

• Prom is becoming as big an event as weddings for some kids. In some cases, parents contribute to that expectation by paying hundreds, even thousands of dollars – to help the child get a dress, limo, and fancy dinner. (Tony Levitas, Ph.D., Psychologist)
• Ask your child about their expectations – what they think they’re expected to do for prom, and for the proposal, or what they expect from their date. Try to get them to understand that reality doesn’t always match expectations. (Nancy McGarrah, Ph.D., Psychologist)
• Talk with the child about what they’ve seen on TV and the movies -and the way teen relationships are dramatized. Explain to them that what they see on TV is not what ‘everybody’ is doing – and that, in fact, very likely the large majority of kids at their school who are going to prom are asking their dates the ‘old fashioned’ way, without a big production. (Dr. McGarrah).

Resources

• American Academy of Pediatrics
• American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry

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