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“My greatest regret would probably be the fact that I put this young man through this,” said Debra Lafave at a recent news conference.

Lafave, who taught at a middle school in Tampa, Florida, is just one of several female teachers recently accused of having sex with a student.

Is this abuse rare, or is it happening more often today?

The experts aren’t quite sure. “You know, in five years from now we may be able to determine a little bit better what the real prevalence rates are,” says child psychologist Danielle Levy. “Right now, I think it’s just trendy.”

A trend that is misunderstood, she says. Even some boys think that sex with a teacher would be harmless.

“[Boys] know that maybe some of their peers would consider this a great conquest,” explains Levy, “but there’s still maybe a lot of shame and embarrassment there – and long-term consequences for that relationship.”

She says that, long-term, these kids deal with anger, guilt and problems with trust and intimacy.

“This is supposed to be a person I can go to with problems – and it’s all flipped around,” says Levy. “And now I’m supposed to be helping them, and they’re leaning on me for some sexual gratification. It’s just confusing. Just because it feels good to them sexually and because this person is very attractive, doesn’t make the rest of it go away.”

She says if parents see a change in behavior, withdrawal or anxiety, it may be a sign of abuse. And the parents’ message to their son should be: ‘it’s not your fault.”

“They can’t ever get that message enough times,” Levy says. “’You didn’t do anything wrong, and this isn’t your fault.’ Because the grown-ups should’ve known better – always, always, always, the grown-ups should’ve known better,”

What We Need To Know

• Keep the lines of communication open, especially during the teen years. Teenagers have a natural tendency to withdrawal, so make sure you make yourself available and ask open-ended questions. (Danielle Levy, Psy.D, child psychologist)
• Sexually abused children may develop an unusual interest in/ or avoidance of all things of a sexual nature. They may have sleep problems or nightmares, suffer from depression, withdraw from friends or family, refuse to go to school, become secretive or display suicidal behavior. Watch your child for any change in behavior. (American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry)
• If your child has been abused, the most important thing you can do is report the abuse to the authorities. (Danielle Levy, Psy.D, child psychologist)

Resources

• National Children’s Alliance
• RAINN: Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network

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