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It’s a subject most of us don’t want to think about, but should.

Who would you want to be the guardian of your children if you were gone?

“It’s very important,” says Nichole Godbey. She’s written her choice for guardian into her will. ”I mean, God forbid that something happen to my husband and I? We would want our wishes to be put into place for our children.”

Choosing a guardian can be awkward. You have to acknowledge why a guardian might be necessary. But it’s a decision, experts say, that every parent should make.

This is being a good parent,” says Betsy Gard, PhD and a licensed psychologist. “Even contemplating the uncontemplatable – and by doing this we are taking care of our children even as we move about in our daily lives.”

Legally, just asking a friend or relative to be your child’s guardian is not enough.

“If, in fact, that’s the extent of what’s been told and it wasn’t reduced to writing, and there’s no legal document – and the legal document doesn’t follow the form required by the state – then that’s a horrible outcome,” says child advocate lawyer Don Keenan, “because the verbal wishes of the parents will never come to fruition, because the law will not recognize it in that form, unfortunately.”

Keenan says people need to check their state’s laws about guardianship – and to put their choice in writing. He also suggests dividing up the legal responsibilities of a guardian – between someone who watches your child, and another person who watches the books.

“When it comes to understanding taxes and where money should be invested, and how much can be paid out today but still leave money over the next thirty or forty years, that’s a decision for a financial person,” he says.

But most of all, ask yourself – who would best love my child and raise them properly?

“All of this involves contemplating your own death, and that’s not easy for people to do,” says Betsy Gard. “But on the other hand there is a real positive aspect of putting down on paper what is meaningful to you in your life, what is important in your values, what kind of ideals you want to leave to your children. And I think there is a benefit to that even in the present, not just in the future.”

What We Need To Know

• Ask yourself some questions when choosing a guardian: is this person someone your child already knows well and likes? Does this person genuinely care about your child? Is the potential guardian up to the physical, financial and emotional challenges of raising a child? Do they have similar attitudes to yours, about how best to raise a child? (University Credit Union)
• Find out what will make your chosen guardian legal, according to local laws. Books and the Internet are helpful resources – as is the clerk of the court at your regional courthouse. (Don Keenan, Child Advocate Lawyer)
• Along with a regular will, you might consider leaving an “ethical will” – explaining to the guardian your ideas and values – and how you would want your children raised. (Betsy Gard, PhD, psychologist)

Resources

• National Guardianship Association
• National Education Association

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