HIV & Affection

Robbie and her daughter
have no problem showing affection …

“The love, the hugging, the kissing,” says Mrs. Thompson.

“It’s very important to me, it gets me through my
day,” says 17-year-old Brittni, “She’s a very
strong woman, and just having her affection it just brings up my
day and it helps me get through, you know, the tough times.”

There’s nothing unusual about affection between mother
and child …

The difference here is that Robbie is HIV positive.

“There’s still a lot of questions around. Well if
I touch you will I get it. If I drink behind you can I get it,
or if you hug me, you may give it to me,” says Mrs. Thompson.

In fact, according to a UCLA survey of 344 HIV positive parents
…

almost 40-percent said they avoid hugging and kissing their children
…

for fear they could transmit the disease.

“I think people are just so nervous about or unclear about
… do the professional even know,” says says Donna Wilson-Fant,
a supervisor for HIV case management.

But, she says, years of research shows … there is no danger
of transmitting hiv through hugs, kisses, holding hands.

The real danger, she says, is not hugging your child.

“Because when you withhold this type of affection, children
begin to show signs of depression,” says Wilson-Fant.

And Brittni says there’s a big difference between her mom
just saying she loves her… and showing her
…

“Just seems to make me happier when she hugs me or kisses
me. Cause I know that she really does love me, and that helps a
lot,” she says.

And for other parents like her, living with HIV, Robbie’s
advice?

“They need to embrace their child… they need to
show their child that they love them. No matter what, you know.”

The Kaiser Family Foundation recently released its National
Survey of Teens on HIV/AIDS. The survey, a nationally representative survey
of teens ages 12 to 17, is designed to assess attitudes and knowledge about
AIDS among a generation still considered to be at risk. According to the
Kaiser Family Foundation, the HIV/AIDS survey documents teen perspectives
about the impact of the epidemic on young people and their own personal concern
about becoming infected. It also includes findings about where teens get
their information about HIV/AIDS, their information needs and attitudes toward
HIV testing. Some of the highlights of the study include:

• About one-third of the 15- to 17-year-olds surveyed reported
  having sexual intercourse. Of that group, one out of three admit
  to not using condoms all of the time
• One in five of those teens surveyed think there is a cure for
  AIDS.
• While most teens surveyed know that HIV/AIDS can be contracted
  from unprotected intercourse and or sharing needles, fewer know
  of the dangers of infection from oral sex, or that having other
  sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) increases a person’s
  risk for HIV.
• Approximately 57 percent of teens surveyed want to
  know more about how to protect themselves from HIV/AIDS. Fifty-five
  percent of those surveyed want to know where to get tested for
  infection, and 48 percent want to know more about how what AIDS
  is and how it is spread.

As a parent with HIV, you likely have many fears and concerns
regarding your family. You aren’t alone, however. Your child will
be facing many of the same fears and concerns regarding you. One of the
best ways to ensure the affection between you and your child will continue
is to provide your child with knowledge about HIV and AIDS. He/she will
be more informed about the disease, which will minimize the likelihood
of his/her contracting the disease later in life, and it will help him/her
feel as if he/she is not alone and is walking a journey at your side. According
to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, parents initiating a
conversation with their teen about HIV and AIDS might consider including
the following points in that conversation:

• Provide the adolescent with a definition of AIDS. For example,
  explain that AIDS stands for acquired immunodeficiency syndrome.
  It is a condition in which the body’s immune system breaks
  down. Because the immune system fails, a person with AIDS typically
  develops a variety of life-threatening illnesses that almost always
  prove fatal.
• Give a definition of HIV infection. The adolescent needs to
  understand that AIDS is caused by a virus that scientists call
  human immunoodeficiency virus, or HIV. Once a person is infected,
  he/she can infect others, even if no symptoms are present. The
  fact that other STDs share this characteristic provides an excellent
  opportunity to expand the conversation to include other sexually
  transmitted diseases should the opportunity feel right. Point out
  that a special blood test can detect HIV.
• Explain how HIV is transmitted from one person to another. The
  adolescent needs to clearly understand that there are two primary
  ways that people become infected with HIV:
  • By engaging in unprotected sexual intercourse (vaginal, anal
    or oral) with an infected person.
  • By sharing drug needles or syringes with an infected person.

  A parent might want to point out that women who are infected with
  HIV can pass it on to their babies during pregnancy, birth or breast-feeding.
  The fact that some people have become infected through receiving
  blood transfusions might also be pointed out. Although these cases
  are rare, the fact that a parent knows about them and mentions them
  can only add to their credibility in discussing such an important
  subject.

• Explain how to reduce the risk for HIV infection from sex. The
  easiest way to avoid getting HIV from sex is to not have sex. Abstinence
  is the only sure protection. This may seem simplistic in the face
  of the significant rates of sexual activity reported by teens in
  today’s society. Remind them of some of the realistic values
  of choosing not to have intercourse, including:
• Virtually guaranteeing their safety from all sexually transmitted
  diseases, including HIV infection. Point out that approximately
  every 11 seconds, a teen in the U.S. gets a sexually transmitted
  disease.
• Providing the teen with additional time to be sure they are
  physically and emotionally ready to engage in a sexual relationship.
• Providing them with more time to learn and understand more
  about the physical and emotional aspects of sexual relationships.
• Avoiding unwanted pregnancy. Some sources report that approximately
  every 30 seconds a teen in the U.S. gets pregnant.

Furthermore, the adolescent also needs to know that there is no
way to tell, short of a blood test, whether a person is infected
with HIV. They have to assume that every potential sexual partner
may have been exposed to or infected with the HIV virus.

Finally, reinforce the critical importance of avoiding making decisions
about sexual intercourse while under the influence of alcohol or
other drugs. These substances can cloud their judgement and cause
them to take risks that put them in danger of becoming infected with
HIV.

• Explain how HIV is transmitted through drug use.
• Discuss how to join the community response to AIDS.
• Give your thoughts on the importance of understanding and compassion
  toward people with AIDS.
• Talk about the importance of eliminating prejudice and discrimination
  related to AIDS.

Discuss with your child the ways in which he/she cannot contract HIV
(holding hands with you, hugging you, etc.). If he/she knows that you
will be able to show affection without him/her having to fear contraction,
it will work to break down the barriers of fear and concern.

Kaiser Family
Foundation
Centers for Disease Control & Prevention