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At some point, most kids will try to get out of school by faking an illness. But how do you know if your children really are sick, just needs a day off – or whether there’s something serious going on at school they’re trying to avoid?

Michele Riedford says she has her ability to read her seven-year-old son, Zach, down to a science.

There are some days when Zach just doesn’t want to go to school, just wants a day off -and on those days he pretends to be sick.

“I said that my throat hurted and I had an upset stomach,” Zach says with a smirk.

But his mom is pretty smart; she’s come up with a way to tell if he’s faking it. “I figure if I tell them they’ve got to stay in bed all day long, that they’ll decide if they really, really are sick or whether they want to, you know, miss school for some other reason.”

But some kids may fake illness and try to avoid school for other reasons.

Dr. Laura Mee, clinical psychologist at Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta explains.

“Those children, who you sort of get the suspicion after a day or so that this is not a medical illness, but that they really are having some other issue, then you really do probably need to sit down with the child and say ‘is something going on at school that’s worrying you?”

Dr. Mee says the child could be having anxiety over schoolwork, bullying at school – or is nursing hurt feelings over some friends.

“Sometimes it can be a social thing,” she says. “They might feel ostracized, they’re not in with a group or they haven’t made friends yet – and they just feel alone or isolated at school, or maybe they’re being teased.”

Experts say once you’ve found out what the problem is, first acknowledge your child’s feelings.

“When you minimize how someone’s feeling about something like that, they feel unheard and then they sometimes have to escalate their symptoms to prove to you how important it is for them,” says Dr. Mee.

And then, she says, act.

“I would call the school, see if you can set up an appointment to meet with the teacher for 30 minutes, maybe include the counselor, but try and do it right away,” she suggests, “you know, as soon as possible – so you can get back and set up a program of how you’re going to approach this as a team.”

What We Need To Know

• Set strict rules for staying home sick- no TV, no books, no computer, no phone. The less fun staying home sounds, the more likely children will want to go to school. (Dr. Laura Mee, clinical pediatric psychologist)




• As with most behaviors, once is okay, twice is pushing it, three times is a habit. It is very important for parents to recognize the trend and stop it as soon as possible. (Dr. Laura Mee, clinical pediatric psychologist)




• Often, anxiety and worry can develop into real physical pain – including headaches, abdominal pain, and diarrhea. If this happens with your child, it is important to seek professional help. (Mayo Clinic)




• Most schools have a zero-tolerance policy on bullying. If bullying is the problem, contact the school immediately. (National Association of School Psychologists)

Resources

• National Youth Violence Prevention Center
• National Institutes of Health

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