“We want to teach kids to be problem solvers, and that starts right at the beginning. You can’t fix everything for them in life. You can when they’re real little, but if you always do that, then when they get to be older, they’re going to turn around and rely on you to fix everything for them.”

– Karen Dewling, MD, pediatrician

‘Toddler-hood’ is a fun and exciting time, but it can also be exhausting. One minute your child is trying something new; the next there’s food all over the floor. But experts say letting toddlers do things on their own, early on, will help in the long run.

13-month-old Katelyn is learning to walk and talk and eat all by herself.

“I try to let her do her thing as much as possible,” says her mom, Ashley. “Before I bring her into a room, I’ll make sure whatever she would be dealing with would be a safe environment – so she can explore and do things.”

For many toddlers, exploring the world and learning new skills is often a dirty job.

“For example, learning to feed yourself can be a very messy proposition,” says pediatrician Karen Dewling, “but practice makes perfect, just like every skill we learn – and that requires a little bit of experimentation and finger painting until children learn to get the food from the spoon to the mouth efficiently.”

Experts say parents easily forget this exploration takes time and patience – for both children and adults.

“It often seems like the quick fix is the right answer: ‘let me just do this for you,’” explains Dr. Dewling, “but ultimately we’re trying to teach kids to become independent – and if we don’t allow them those opportunities, then they can’t achieve that independence.”

For many working parents, finding time in their hectic routine can be challenging and, says Dewling, “some days you just have to do [things for them]. Don’t kick yourself about it. On the weekends or times when you have more time, maybe in the evening – putting pajamas on, that’s a great time to practice skills like self-dressing.”

She says that, even on the drive to daycare, you can find ways to help your child explore the world around them: “Pointing things out: ‘look at the big, red, fire truck’ and ‘do you see the pretty, yellow flower?’ Then they start to hear lots of language, and they begin to bring that into their own experience.”

Ashley is a stay-at-home mom, but she agrees. “I think it’s really important to spend time for them to learn things on their own, because if they don’t, then – I think it’s going to be harder for [Katelyn] to learn other things in the future.”

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• Encourage curiosity by pointing out odd and interesting things. These observations will help teach your child to be observant and find the world entertaining. (Josh Lerman, Parenting magazine)
• Instead of saying no all the time, baby-proof an area that your toddler can play and have free-reign. Toddlers are naturally curious about their surroundings, and can’t help getting into things that they shouldn’t. (Karen Dewling, MD, pediatrician)
• Children learn through playing. Present them with age-appropriate manipulative objects that help with their tactile and motor skills. (Karen Dewling, MD, pediatrician)
• Help control temper tantrums by giving children choices and preplanning. For example, let your child decide between two outfits to wear the night before. (Gloria Meaux, PhD, psychologist)
• Children thrive on having a routine and being able to assert their independence. As your toddlers get older, give them little ‘jobs’ around the house, like helping to set the dinner table. (Laura Mee, PhD, child psychologist)

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• National Infant and Toddler Care Initiative
• National Network for Child Care
• Center for Early Education and Development

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