Dating Older Boys

by Comments are off

 
  Dating Older Boys Kristen DiPaolo | CWK Network
 
 

“I think a lot of guys especially in high school will go for younger girls just because they’ll give it up, you know. They are willing to experiment, they are easier.”

– Sarah Lim, 19
  Related Information What Parents Need To Know Resources

Parents often worry about their daughters having an older boyfriend. According to data from the Centers For Disease Control, it turns out they have good reason to be worried.

Sarah Lim is 19. Her boyfriend is 22.

Sarah says, “I have to admit, because I am dating an older guy, you know, I am very more open to alcohol, just because, I can ask him, ‘Hey can you go to the store and buy me something?’”

Sarah says another risk of dating an older guy might be getting pressured into having sex. She says, “I think a lot of guys especially in high school will go for younger girls just because they’ll give it up, you know. They are willing to experiment, they are easier.”

New research shows one in four girls who’ve had sex – say their first time was with a guy at least three years older.

Sarah says, “When guys are older, girls will trust them. ‘Oh, he knows what he’s talking about. He has more experience.’”

The research shows – with an older boy – girls are less likely to use a condom – and more likely to get pregnant than other sexually active teens.

Psychologist Dr. Nancy McGarrah says, “So frequently the younger girl is naïve. Sometimes she doesn’t have the assertiveness to stand up for herself and demand that a condom be used.”

The study also shows, on average – girls who lost their virginity to an older boy – ended up having more sexual partners than girls whose first time was with someone their own age.

Dr. McGarrah says, “They frequently will start feeling like damaged goods, or that they are down a road sexually that they weren’t ready to go down, but there’s no going back. So they will frequently then go onto another relationship with an older guy.”

She says parents can set ground rules – for example – teens can only date someone who is one grade level above them.

Dr. McGarrah says, “You want to have your children talking to you about who they are interested in, who they think is cute, who they kind of have their eyes on. You can usually, if you are having a communication that’s good with your child, you get those clues a long time before they come home and say they have a boyfriend who’s 18.“

The research also shows ten percent of sexually active boys lose their virginity to a girl at least three years older – and that they, too, face damaging effects to their health.
By Larry Eldridge
CWK Network, Inc.

The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse (CASA) at Columbia University found proof of what many parents have suspected for generations: It’s not a great idea for their daughters to date older boys. The CASA study found that teenage girls who date boys two years or more older are more likely to smoke, drink and use drugs. CASA says friends can reflect and even influence your child’s behavior.

“We found a tight connection between teen sexual behavior and dating and teen risk of smoking, drinking and using illegal drugs,” said CASA chairman Joseph Califano.

Among the statistics cited in the CASA study:

  • Fifty-eight percent of girls who had boyfriends two years or more older drank alcohol, compared to 25 percent of the girls who dated boys their own age or not at all.
  • Half of the girls dating someone at least two years older smoked marijuana, compared to 8 percent of the other girls.
  • Sixty-five percent of girls dating older guys smoked cigarettes, whereas 14 percent of the other girls were smokers.
  • Forty-five percent of teens say the reason they lost their virginity is because “the other person wanted to.”
  • Thirty-two percent of teens say the reason they lost their virginity is because they were “just curious.”
  • Twenty-eight percent of teens say the reason they lost their virginity is because they “hoped it would make the relationship closer.”
  • Sixteen percent of teens say the reason they lost their virginity is because “many of their friends already had.”
 
By Larry Eldridge
CWK Network, Inc.

The Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States says that “information about young people’s sexual behavior – from the attitudes they have to the decisions they make to the actions they take – can help parents communicate with their children.” And communication is of high importance. Consider the following:

  • When asked, 42 percent of teens said they would like to “honestly” discuss dating with their parents at dinner; 30 percent feel the same on the topic of substance use.
  • Sixty-four percent of teens don’t have sex because they “worry about what their parents might think.”
  • Half of adolescents surveyed said fear of pregnancy and STDs is the main reason why adolescents don’t have sex.
  • Twenty-six percent of adolescents said the main reason adolescents do not have sex is because of religion, morals and values.

According to experts at the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, open communication and accurate information from parents increase the chance that teens will postpone sex and will use appropriate methods of birth control once they begin. In talking with your child or adolescent, it is helpful to:

  • Encourage your child to talk and ask questions.
  • Maintain a calm and non-critical atmosphere for discussions.
  • Use words that are understandable and comfortable.
  • Try to determine your child’s level of knowledge and understanding.
  • Keep your sense of humor and don’t be afraid to talk about your own discomfort.
  • Relate sex to love, intimacy, caring and respect for oneself and one’s partner.
  • Be open in sharing your values and concerns.
  • Discuss the importance of responsibility for choices and decisions.
  • Help your child to consider the pros and cons of choices.

By developing open, honest and ongoing communication about responsibility, sex, and choice, parents can help their youngsters learn about sex in a healthy and positive manner.

 


The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse (CASA) at Columbia University
Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States
American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry
Talk With Your Kids