“Once someone has an impression of you, it’s hard to change that. So I’ve had lots of kids tell me that after the first week of school, they felt like nothing they could do changed the way the teacher looked at them.”
– Nancy McGarrah, Ph.D., Psychologist
In the halls of almost any school, on Facebook and in text messages, teens saying and using four-letter words are the norm.
“It doesn’t matter what school you are at, they all use it all the time,” says high school freshman Chrissy.
“In my neighborhood, it’s more like every other word,” says Vinnie, a high school junior.
But cursing is a secret most kids say they hide from their parents.
“I don’t use it in front of my mommy because then I’d get slapped,” says freshman Francesca, s high school freshman.
She was riding in the car with her dad, when she slipped up.
“Like, he slammed on the brakes cause someone was in front of us,” Chrissy says, “and I said the F-word really loud.”
That’s the problem. Kids admit that once you start cursing, it becomes automatic.
“Sometimes I’d just be saying it,” says Vinnie, “and I’d be like, ‘Oh my god, oops! Wrong person, or wrong place.'”
Experts say parents should remind kids that language is a big part of how others judge them.
“Once someone has an impression of you it’s hard to change that,” says Atlanta psychologist Dr. Nancy McGarrah, “So I’ve had lots of kids tell me that after the first week of school, they felt like nothing they could do changed the way the teacher looked at them.”
She says parents who want to break kids of a cursing habit should set clear rules – with stiff consequences.
“You have to figure out what consequence is going to work with your child,” says Dr. McGarrah, “And so if a child is real social and they like to be on the phone a lot, they like to do activities with their friends – if you restrict that, it is going to hit them where it hurts.”
And, she says, parents should intervene every time they hear an inappropriate word.
“You may call them on it ten times in a row – but the 11th or 12th time you are busy,” says McGarrah, “you are on the phone, you just don’t pay attention to it. What that tells your teen is, ‘I just have to be sneaky,’ or ‘I have to be persistent.'”
What We Need To Know
Experts agree that if offensive language is part of a pattern of aggressive behavior, there’s a problem. But in most cases, it’s just the way teens salt their language in a perceived desire to sound older.
Perhaps swearing is part of growing up. Yet another part of growing up knowing how to speak with adults and in formal situations. As most parents come to recognize, teaching good judgment is not a one-time event; it’s a process.
Parents who want their teens to stop cursing must clean up their own language as well. It sends a mixed message if parents use profanity or seem to enjoy movies with foul language. Make a clear rule that certain words will not be allowed in the house. Set consequences in advance.
Talk with your children about what cursing says about them to the outside world (college admissions officers and possible employers, for example. Ask children how they believe others will view them if they use profanity. Explain that cursing can reflect a bad attitude. It can signify a person who lacks maturity, intelligence, manners or emotional control.
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